why i don’t want your $$$

My husband and I have been feeling pretty out of control lately. He said this out loud to me the other day. It’s a big deal. 

It’s a big deal when you don’t feel like there’s enough for you and your family. It’s a big deal when you don’t even get a cent of your paycheck in your own wallet for that occasional coffee or beer. It’s a big deal when you feel a sense of relief when one of your kids is out of town because there are no groceries in the house, and the thought of not being able to adequately feed her is awful.

We’re not homeless. We’re not helpless. We have beds to sleep in and clothes to wear, and SO MUCH for which to be grateful.

We’re simply weighed down by our not so stellar financial histories and a slough of debt.

It’s a big deal when all the bills still can’t be paid and you have debt staring you in the face.

We’re doing what we can. My husband drives for Lyft. I’ve started my own business with It Works, probably one of the most risk-free ways to go into business for yourself. We’ve tried selling stuff, only to discover that what we have really isn’t worth waiting for someone to pay a garage sale price for when our primary goal is simply to minimize our possessions.

This summer is a big deal for us. This summer, we make or break the bank by how hard we work, by how consistent we are, by our own diligence and discipline. After this summer, my husband’s job changes to a new and exciting position with a commission-based pay structure.

It’s a big deal for us, with a 10-year-old and infant at home, trying to make ends meet.

I never thought I would be here, in this place of financial panic and insecurity as a wife and mom. As a single female, it was terrible enough to be huddled in my apartment broke, trying to figure out how I was gonna get to work the next day so I could have money again. But it’s even worse now that I’m responsible for other people.

Instead of constantly hitting rewind and critiquing all the moves that got us here, however, we accept that we are here. We’ve come this far. No matter how much debt there is left to pay or how bad our financial choices of the past were, we’re still here.

Alive and kicking, for better or for worse.

And we plan on keeping it that way.

So I’m not interested in any of your money. This might sound like an odd statement to make, but I need to make it.

I need to to make it, because too many times I simply wish I had what “they” have. Their house. Their salaries. Their living situation. I just want their life to translate over into mine.

Someday, I tell myself. Someday their life will be mine.

What. A. Load. Of. Crap.

Nobody’s life is JUST theirs. Nobody’s money is JUST made. Nobody’s salary or living situation simply MATERIALIZES.

Everyone has a story – I’ve heard a lot of them, and now it’s time to live mine. Because my husband and I – we’re alive and kicking!

So I’m not interested in any of your money! Unless you’re buying something from me or paying for a service I provided, I don’t even want to know how much money you make.

I need to stay in my own lane here, block out all the distractions, and work toward financial independence for me and my own family.

Because financial independence is a big deal. And so is not having it.

But here’s the thing: it’s a big deal to accomplish financial independence. Once your there, though, money is not the point. It’s who you become on the way that counts. 

So, again, not to sound like I’m beating a dead horse or anything, but I’M NOT INTERESTED IN ANY OF YOUR MONEY. I’m interested in becoming the person capable of earning and managing the finances that my family needs. 

So here I go.

 

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