I had a terrible and dark moment with jealousy today.
I’ve experienced many of these moments. In fact, I’ve experienced a whole season of darkness and jealousy that began to eat at my soul and threatened to destroy life. It would have, too, if I hadn’t fought back. I even discovered a personal history with jealousy; I found this prayer in a journal, written two years before the downward spiral of my emotional well-being:
“Help me not to deny the truth, or share the envy and selfish ambition that sometimes rises in my heart, because this will only poison other people. These thoughts are not from You, and I don’t want them.”
Here’s where the proof of progress comes in: it was only a moment. Now, the reality is every encounter with any kind of feeling is only a moment. (I wrote about choosing what moments define us earlier.) But as soon as we feed that moment and make it out to be a day or a week or even a lifetime, we’ve given in. We were seized by the moment. It’s supposed to be the other way around.
I have experienced being mercilessly tossed around by every moment of negativity and darkness that comes my way. And I am not defined by those moments anymore. This is the proof of the progress I’ve made in my emotional walk.
So here I am, with Mr. Jealousy and all he has for me. And just as quickly as that one life moment ushered him in, another moment happens that simply inundates with me grace and thankfulness. Now I have a choice. I hold on to that last moment, instead of letting it pass, and take Mr. Jealousy in all of his heaviness with me. Or I embrace the truth that the moment of grace and thankfulness reminded me of.
I have my reasons for saying no to Mr. Jealousy and living with a thankful heart. These reasons are rooted in what I believe about myself, which has actually been a rather recent part of my spiritual journey:
I am a daughter of the King. The children of royal families do not need to worry about food or nice clothes or money for education.They have no reason to be jealous of anyone. Other people may have reasons to be jealous of them, but those in the royal family are free: they are free to love and give and have and give again. They don’t need to worry about making sure they have the means to get to where they want to go in life. All of this is provided for them, by the King himself. This is how my God takes care of me; this is who I am in the spiritual realm, and my spiritual identity penetrates and defines the kind of life I live in this physical world.
With that said, I want remind all of you that this is true of anyone who believes they are a child of the King. If that is you, this last paragraph is for you to read and embrace:
You are a child of the King. You do not need to worry about food or nice clothes or money for education. You have no reason to be jealous of anyone. Other people may have reasons to be jealous of you, but you are free – free to love and give and have and give again. You don’t need to worry about making sure you have the means to get to where you want to go in life. All of this is provided for you, by the King himself. This is how your God takes care of you; this is who you are in the spiritual realm, and your spiritual identity penetrates and defines the kind of life you live in this physical world.