She stepped back, afraid. Afraid of herself. Things she was once so confident in she now doubted. It was like she could no longer read these feelings that she had. She didn’t trust them. She didn’t trust herself.
She hated the barricade this produced. the feeling of being cut off that came as a result. But she didn’t know what to do, how to take it down. How to reconnect freely.
She especially doubted herself when she was with him. She didn’t have any freedom anymore; progress with him felt impossible. She didn’t even know what that was supposed to look like. She didn’t know where to start.
So many things that were once there were now gone. The fire had taken everything but the roots, the basic truth that still held her reality together, the reality she now clung to for dear life. But as she experienced old things, they felt new; and this scared her. She didn’t trust the feelings they evoked.
She reached out, tried to touch what she was feelings. But she was so scared. So scared to fall back into the hole and so scared that she would end up digging another one.
It was so odd, this position. Nothing had changed around her, yet everything was completely different.