I’ve heard people express their innate desire to be in a life-long relationship with someone, to be married, to have a family. I’ve never expressed this desire, and I don’t know that I’ve ever even felt it. It’s not that I have no desire to be married someday, and it’s not even that I have an innate desire to be single, either. In all reality, my heart is already on fire.
I could die tomorrow. This statement can be taken in two different ways, the first simply being the existing likelihood that I could, in fact, die tomorrow due to extenuating circumstances beyond my control. The second way you can read this is that I could die tomorrow because dying would be an action finally taken after a result of successfully fulfilling a list of lifetime goals OR because dying is really the only thing left to do because since I’ve already done it all.
Many of us have may written a bucket list, itemizing all the adventures we want to go on, the things we want to see and do, the people we want to meet before we die. I still have my bucket list somewhere. I wrote it very early, as I was a very ambitious five-year-old and ready to become president at age 10. In middle school, I was already dreaming of college; and my first two years of high school were spent narrowing down my list of 100 colleges and universities. When I finally graduated from high school and began my life as a college student, something crazy happened. All my ambitions and goals and desires and dreams were set on fire by this flame that is still burning in my heart.
My heart is on fire. I really could die tomorrow, because I have already experienced LIFE TO THE FULLEST. I have encountered the Source of all life and love Himself. He asked me to marry Him, and I said yes; and I’ve never experienced more freedom and forgiveness from anyone I’ve ever known. His love has completely consumed my entire being, and it’s all I can think about some days. I don’t even understand it myself sometimes, so I really don’t know if other people have a chance at understanding when I’m explaining it to them. But this fire has burned up every part of me and has only left…
…me. The me I am supposed to be when I am with Him. I lack nothing in His presence. I simply know Love, and Love knows me. And suddenly everything is made complete, because my innate desire has been fulfilled; and my innate desire has always been for Him.