partial death: the non-peace of pessimism

She experienced a mix of feeling pensive and careless as she stepped across the threshold, observing the movement of her feet.

pensive: There are so many ways this could go. There are so many ways people are going to react. I need to choose my actions wisely.

careless: Why should it matter? This isn’t even worth my time, energy, or thoughts. I’m just going to let it happen.

Feeling pensive, yet feeling careless.

Yet inside of her was a black knot. The negative energy emanating from this thing was growing and oozing with each new idea that fed her pessimism.

Pessimists are so hungry. Always wanting more, never satisfied. Contentment is a foreign concept. Years of the finest education couldn’t teach the pessimist in the language of peace. Pessimism does not preach peace.

Soon she was wracked with anger and darkness against those around her. It swelled up around her and swallowed her soul.

She looked up. There were two faces in the distance, smiling. More people appeared at the top of the hill. Everyone looked happy. She was no longer swimming in pessimism. She found herself being lifted by something higher, something brighter, something that made her feel light inside.

The voices of joy turned the right corner of her mouth towards heaven.

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