She wants to be helpful, but she’s so tired of helping. She’s doing this because the arrogance only isolated her, and she doesn’t possess the capacity to harden herself to isolation. No one does.
Well, the ones who do become criminals; and she doesn’t want to become a criminal – not now, anyway.
Isolation breeds everything that has ever corrupted humanity. Isolation is the reason people can walk down their street, their faces loving everyone who passes by but their souls hiding behind a wall of hate. Shrinking behind a wall of hate.
Hatred never produces strength. It only kindles the flames of fear. The one who hates is the one who is afraid of life.
And that’s why she helps – why she’ll continue to be helpful even when it begins to wear itself on her face. Because isolation and hatred are not for the human.
“You thought life dwelt in you alone but I have drawn aside the veil of delusion, and have let you see that by doing evil to others you have done it to yourself also. Life is one in them all, and yours is but a portion of this same common life. And only in that one part of life that is yours, can you make life better or worse – increasing or decreasing it. You can only improve life in yourself by destroying the barriers that divide your life from that of others, and by considering others as yourself, and loving them. By so doing you increase your share of life. You injure your life when you think of it as the only life. You injure your life when you think of it as the only life, and try to add to its welfare at the expense of others lives. By so doing you only lessen it. To destroy the life that dwells in others is beyond your power.”
-Leo Tolstoy, “Esarhaddon, King of Assyria”